Build Relationships Before You Need Them

What it means to build relationships before you need them

Many people only reach out when they want something. They need a job, a reference, or a favor, so they suddenly remember someone's number. This lesson asks for the opposite approach.

The idea is to invest in people first. Get to know them. Help when you can. Show interest in their lives without keeping score. Over time, that builds trust and goodwill. Then, if a day comes when you need help, the relationship is already strong.

The book is clear that this isn't about using people. It's about being genuinely interested in them. A good network is really just a group of people who know you, like you, and trust you.

Why relationships matter for teens and young adults

When teens hear the word "networking," they often picture adults in suits trading business cards. But young people are building networks every day without calling it that.

The teacher who writes a college recommendation is part of your network. So is the coach who tells a summer camp you're a hard worker, or the neighbor whose kid you babysat who mentions you to a friend. Many first jobs come from someone who already knows and trusts you.

Think about a first job search. A teen who has stayed friendly with a former boss or a teacher has people to ask. A teen who never stayed in touch with anyone is starting from zero.

This also matters with friends. The friend who checks in when nothing is wrong is the one you trust when something is. Relationships grow in the quiet, normal days, not only in emergencies.

How to build real relationships early

1. Start with people you already know. Teachers, coaches, relatives, neighbors, and bosses are all part of your circle. Treat those relationships with care.
2. Say thank you, and mean it. A short note or message after someone helps you is rare and remembered. It takes two minutes.
3. Offer help first. Share a useful tip, lend a hand at an event, or help a classmate with a subject you know well. Do it without expecting anything back.
4. Stay in touch lightly. Send a quick message on a birthday, after a big game, or when you see something they'd like. Small check-ins keep relationships warm.
5. Be curious about people. Ask about their work, their goals, and how they got where they are. Most people enjoy sharing, and you'll learn a lot.
6. Be someone worth knowing. Keep your word and treat people well. A strong network starts with being trustworthy, as our lesson on how your influence starts with your integrity explains.

For parents: how to bring it up without a lecture

A talk about "networking" can make a teen's eyes glaze over. So skip the word. Talk instead about being a good friend, being helpful, and keeping in touch with people who've been kind to you.

You can model this in plain sight. Let your teen see you call an old friend just to check in, or help a neighbor without being asked. If someone once helped you get a job, share that story. Teens learn more from real examples than from advice.

Small prompts help too. After a great season, suggest your teen thank their coach. After a summer job, suggest they connect with their manager before leaving. These habits stick.

If your teen likes to read on their own, hand them this page or the book. It connects well with our lesson that influence is about empowering others, since helping people grow is one of the best ways to build lasting relationships.

The bottom line

Relationships aren't built overnight, and they shouldn't be built only when you need something. When young people invest in others early, with honest interest and a willingness to help, they create a network that will be there for them when the time comes.